School Shouldn’t Feel Scary: Helping Your Child Through School Anxiety
- Prue Longstaff, Counsellor
- Nov 1
- 6 min read
When a child is struggling with anxiety, parents often feel lost, unsure where to start, and worried they might get it wrong. That’s why counselling can be so powerful. Kids aren’t expected to figure out these big feelings alone — and neither are you.
In my counseling clinic in Mansfield, I combine developmental knowledge, practical strategies, and a warm, down-to-earth approach to help children understand what anxiety actually is, why their brain reacts the way it does, and what they can do to feel calmer and more in control.
School anxiety is incredibly common, but that doesn’t make it easy. This article will walk you through why it happens, what it looks like, and how we can help children move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling capable and supported.
Why School Anxiety Is So Common in Children
School brings a mix of excitement and unpredictability. For a developing brain, uncertainty naturally triggers anxiety, especially when a child feels unsure about what’s expected of them socially, academically, or emotionally.
Some of the most common school-related worries I counsel children and teens for are:
Worrying about friendships or being included
Fear of making mistakes
Difficulty separating from a parent
Overthinking interactions with peers or teachers
Concerns about performance or schoolwork
Worries about new teachers or changing classrooms
Stress around crowded or noisy environments
Children aren’t trying to be difficult—anxiety is simply their brain trying to protect them.
How Anxiety Shows Up in Kids (It’s Not Always Obvious)
School anxiety rarely looks the same from child to child. Some kids cry or refuse to go to school, while others mask their discomfort until they’re home. Some common signs include:
Frequent stomach aches or “I feel sick” before school
Trouble sleeping
Tearfulness or clinginess in the morning
Increased irritability, anger, or emotional outbursts
Difficulty concentrating in class
Withdrawing from friends or activities
Asking repetitive reassurance questions
Oversensitivity to noise or change
Many parents tell me, “I didn’t realise this was anxiety—I thought they were just misbehaving or being dramatic.”You’re not alone. Children often express anxiety through behaviour, not words.
What I’m Seeing in Families Right Now
Having worked closely with Mansfield children, teens, and parents, I’ve noticed clear trends around school anxiety—particularly:
Transition years (Prep, Grade 3, and Grade 6)
Kids who are sensitive, perfectionistic, or highly empathetic
Children with learning differences or neurodivergence
Friendship changes in small-towns and schools
Worries about teachers, expectations, or “getting it wrong”
Because Mansfield is a close-knit community, children often feel pressure to “hold it together”—even when their anxiety is silently building.
The Brain Science Behind Anxiety in Children
Understanding why anxiety happens can be incredibly empowering for parents and children. From a developmental and brain-based perspective, anxiety often begins in a part of the brain nicknamed the “guard dog” — the amygdala. This small, almond-shaped structure sits deep inside the temporal lobe and plays a key role in processing emotions, particularly fear and threat detection.
When the amygdala senses danger, it instantly alerts the body to prepare for action. This is helpful when a child is faced with real danger — but not so helpful when the “danger” is simply a new classroom, a tricky maths task, or uncertainty about friendships.
Why Children’s Brains React More Strongly
In childhood, the amygdala is still developing and maturing, which means its responses can be bigger and faster than an adult’s. Because this part of the brain can be overly sensitive, it sometimes misinterprets everyday situations as threats.
This can lead to:
sudden spikes in anxiety
avoidance of school or activities
physical symptoms like stomach aches, racing heart, or rapid breathing
feeling “on edge” even in safe environments
The fight-or-flight system switches on quickly — even when there’s no real danger present.
Everyday Stressors That Trigger Anxiety
Children regularly face experiences that feel uncertain or overwhelming, such as:
new environments
unfamiliar teachers
academic pressure
changes in routine
social situations or friendship dynamics
When the amygdala misreads these situations as unsafe, it activates the body's alarm system. This creates a cascade of physiological responses — increased heart rate, fast breathing, tight muscles, and heightened alertness.
Although this reaction is meant to protect them, it often shows up as anxiety.
When this activation happens frequently, the body begins to expect danger — leading to persistent or chronic anxiety.
How Environment Shapes the Developing Brain
The development of the amygdala is influenced not just by biology but by a child’s early experiences, relationships, and environment.
Research shows:
Children who grow up in nurturing, emotionally supportive environments tend to develop a well-regulated amygdala. This helps them manage anxiety and bounce back from stress.
Children who experience inconsistent care, chronic stress, or trauma may have a more reactive amygdala, making them more vulnerable to anxiety symptoms.
This doesn’t mean a child is “broken” or destined to struggle — it simply means they need more support, emotional safety, and skill-building to regulate their nervous system.
What This Means for Parents and Professionals
Understanding the brain’s role in anxiety helps us respond with compassion rather than frustration. Instead of seeing a child as “overreacting” or “naughty”, we can recognise that their brain is doing its best to protect them—it just needs guidance on when to turn the alarm down.
Supportive environments, predictable routines, and warm relationships all help the amygdala feel safe.
Additionally, collaboration between parents and professionals is crucial in developing effective strategies tailored to the individual child’s needs. Regular communication can help ensure that everyone involved understands the child’s triggers and responses, fostering a consistent approach to managing anxiety across different settings, whether at home, in school, or during extracurricular activities. This unified front not only reinforces the child’s coping mechanisms but also builds their confidence in handling anxiety-inducing situations.
Children don’t lack resilience—they simply lack the skills and support to manage the strong feelings that come with anxiety.
When to Seek Extra Support for Your Child
All children experience worry from time to time, but when anxiety begins to take over daily life, it’s a sign they may need a little extra help. If you’ve noticed your child struggling for longer than expected, withdrawing from friends, or finding school increasingly difficult, it may be time to check in.
Some signs that additional support could be helpful include:
ongoing anxiety that isn’t easing with reassurance
changes in sleep or appetite
repeated tears, morning battles, or school refusal
big emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion
avoiding activities they usually enjoy
You don’t need every sign to justify reaching out — even one persistent concern is important.
This is where counselling can make a real difference. It gives children a safe, supportive space to make sense of what they’re feeling, understand how anxiety works in their brain and body, and learn practical tools to calm their nervous system. Children begin to develop confidence, emotional awareness, and coping skills they can carry into school, friendships, and home life.
Parents also benefit from guidance, clarity, and reassurance. Instead of navigating anxiety alone or guessing what might help, counselling offers a clear plan and ongoing support — helping the whole family breathe a little easier
Take the Next Step
If you're noticing signs of anxiety in your teen or child, don’t wait. Early intervention can ease your child’s frustration and boost their confidence where it matters most — at home, in school, and in their friendships.
At Better You HQ Therapy and Counselling Clinic, we specialise in children’s counselling and offer expert, personalised anxiety support — right here in Mansfield VIC.
Contact us: Friendly, confidential consultations available. You don’t have to figure this out alone. We’re here to help.
About Prue and Better You HQ Therapy and Counselling Clinic
Prue is an ACA registered and qualified child and family counsellor with a passion for helping children, parents and adults navigate emotional challenges. As the founder of Better You HQ Therapy and Counselling Clinic, she specialises in supporting neurodivergent children, anxiety, emotional regulation, and social-emotional development. With experience in education and a deep understanding of childhood mental health, Prue offers evidence-based, compassionate support to families.
Better You HQ provides in-person counselling in Mansfield, Victoria, and online services Australia-wide, including assessments, emotion coaching, and parent support. Prue believes that emotional skills can be taught and that every child deserves a roadmap to thrive.
