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Emotional Regulation in Children: Causes, Signs and Effects

Understanding Emotional Regulation in Children

As a counsellor specialising in emotional regulation, I frequently encounter parents concerned about their children's ability to manage emotions. This crucial skill affects every aspect of personal development, from academic performance to social interactions. Emotional regulation is not merely about suppressing feelings but involves understanding, processing, and expressing emotions in healthy ways.

This article will explore the concept of emotional regulation, why it's essential, the causes of emotional dysregulation, its signs, and how counselling can be a transformative tool for managing it effectively.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation involves the processes by which we influence our emotions: how we experience, express, and manage them. An essential life skill, it ensures that emotions are expressed appropriately and effectively across different situations. As children grow, their ability to regulate emotions progresses; what starts as instinctive reactions evolves into more sophisticated responses as their brain matures. In early childhood, emotional expressions are primarily reactive. As children enter school, they begin to learn that their actions—crying, yelling, or laughing—elicit specific responses from others. By adolescence, the emotional landscape becomes even more complex due to hormonal changes and increased social pressures. Thus, teaching children and teenagers to navigate these changes is crucial for their emotional and social development.

Importance of Developing Emotional Regulation

Developing emotional regulation is essential for achieving psychological resilience and overall wellbeing. It equips individuals, particularly children and teenagers, with the tools needed to navigate complex emotions and respond to stress in healthy ways. Mastering this skill influences numerous aspects of life, including academic success, social interactions, and mental health. By learning how to effectively manage their emotions, young people gain the ability to handle interpersonal challenges and setbacks with composure and insight. Ultimately, fostering emotional regulation from a young age lays the foundation for a more balanced, productive, and fulfilling life, setting the stage for continued personal growth and emotional maturity.

Mastering emotional regulation helps:

  • Mental Health: Proper emotional regulation is crucially linked to mental health. Children who are adept at managing their emotions are less likely to develop conditions such as anxiety, depression, or chronic stress-related issues. For instance, a child who learns to identify feelings of frustration and employs strategies like taking deep breaths or articulating their feelings can better manage these emotions rather than letting them escalate into aggressive outbursts or internal distress. Consider a scenario where a child faces a disappointing grade at school; those with strong emotional regulation might express their disappointment but quickly shift to seeking constructive feedback or planning improvements, rather than spiraling into self-doubt or defeat.

Effective emotional regulation mitigates feelings of overwhelm and fosters resilience against psychological stress, enabling children to adapt to changes and challenges more successfully.
  • Academic and Social Success: Emotional regulation significantly impacts a child’s ability to focus, learn, and achieve academically. It allows for better concentration and memory recall, critical for academic performance. Moreover, emotional regulation enhances social skills essential for forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Children with well-developed emotional regulation are observed to resolve conflicts more constructively, leading to fewer fights and more collaborative interactions with peers. For example, a student who feels overwhelmed during a group project might use emotional regulation strategies to express their concerns calmly and listen to others, facilitating a more productive and supportive group environment. This ability not only helps in reducing social isolation but also fosters a sense of belonging and acceptance among peers.

  • Long-term Wellbeing: The advantages of mastering emotional regulation reach far beyond childhood and adolescence, impacting long-term wellbeing into adulthood. Adults with solid emotional management skills often achieve higher in their careers due to their ability to handle stress, communicate effectively, and navigate workplace dynamics. These skills also contribute to more stable and fulfilling relationships, as emotional regulation helps individuals process and share feelings in a constructive manner. For instance, an adult who can regulate their emotions effectively is better equipped to handle relationship conflicts through open and honest communication rather than destructive behaviour. The ability to regulate emotions contributes not only to personal success but also to overall life satisfaction and happiness, crafting a life marked by resilience and positive emotional engagements.

Causes of Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation can significantly impact a child's ability to handle emotions effectively, arising from a complex interplay of biological and environmental factors:

Biological Factors

The biological underpinnings of emotional regulation are profound, with genetics providing the initial blueprint. Certain genetic traits may predispose children to be more emotionally sensitive or reactive, making it challenging for them to modulate their responses to emotional stimuli. For instance, children with a naturally high sensitivity may react intensely to minor upsets, which can escalate to frequent tantrums or anxiety if not properly managed.

Neurodevelopment also plays a crucial role in emotional regulation. The brain undergoes significant development throughout childhood and adolescence, and the rate at which different regions mature can affect how emotions are processed and controlled. Delays or abnormalities in the development of brain areas like the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and impulse control, can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation.

Additionally, hormonal fluctuations, particularly during puberty, can exacerbate challenges in managing emotions. The surge of hormones that occurs during these years can lead to increased emotional volatility, making adolescents feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster, which can further complicate their ability to maintain emotional stability.

Environmental Factors

The environment in which a child is raised plays an equally critical role in shaping their emotional regulation capabilities. Family dynamics are particularly influential; parenting styles that provide a balanced mix of warmth and structure can help foster effective emotional regulation. In contrast, environments characterised by high conflict, inconsistency, or lack of emotional responsiveness can hinder a child’s ability to learn and practice healthy emotional management.

Exposure to stress, trauma, or neglect is another significant environmental factor that can disrupt normal emotional development and lead to dysregulation. Children who experience these conditions may develop heightened alertness to threat or decreased sensitivity to emotional cues, either of which can impair their ability to regulate emotions effectively. For example, a child who has experienced early trauma may have an exaggerated stress response and difficulty calming down after being upset.

Community and cultural contexts also influence emotional development. Cultural norms dictate which emotions can be openly expressed and how one should manage them, which can either support or complicate a child's emotional regulation processes. For example, in cultures where emotional expression is discouraged, children may struggle to understand and deal with their feelings in healthy ways.

Addressing Emotional Dysregulation

Understanding these biological and environmental causes is vital for effectively addressing emotional dysregulation. This knowledge enables parents, educators, and counsellors to implement targeted interventions designed to meet each child’s unique needs. For instance, counselling techniques that focus on developing emotional awareness and coping strategies can be particularly beneficial for children who have experienced trauma or who have inherent biological sensitivities to emotional stimuli.

Through tailored support and interventions, it is possible to improve emotional regulation capabilities significantly, thereby enhancing a child’s overall wellbeing and capacity to engage successfully with the world around them. Understanding these underlying causes is essential for addressing emotional dysregulation effectively, particularly through targeted interventions such as counselling.

Signs of Poor Emotional Regulation

The signs of emotional dysregulation can vary widely but are critical to recognise early. Symptoms of Emotional Dysregulation in children may include:

  • Severe tantrums

  • Low tolerance for frustration

  • Outbursts

  • Aggression

  • Refusal to engage in expected behaviors / activities 

  • Frequent crying

  • Frequent negative moods

  • Thoughts of self-harm

These signs not only affect a child's current state but also their long-term development. Recognising them early can lead to timely and effective interventions. For some children dysregulation may look like:

Frequent Emotional Outbursts: Excessive anger, frustration, or sadness that seems disproportionate to the context may indicate difficulty with emotional regulation.

Trouble Calming Down: If a child or teenager struggles to return to a calm state after emotional upset, this may signal regulatory issues.

Impulsivity and Risk-Taking Behaviour: Acting without considering the consequences can be a symptom of poor emotional control and can lead to challenges in both school settings and personal relationships.

Emotion Regulation Test

Can you control and manage your emotions in difficult times? The emotion regulation test is designed to assess your proficiency in this area. It evaluates your capacity to recognise, accept, and appropriately express emotions, as well as your ability to regulate intense emotional states. By taking this test, you can gain insights into your emotional intelligence and identify areas for personal growth and development. Take the emotion regulation test here:

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling plays a critical role in improving emotional regulation. As a counsellor specialising in emotional regulation, I’ve witnessed the profound impact that targeted therapeutic interventions can have on children and teenagers struggling with emotional management. Counselling plays a pivotal role in fostering better emotional regulation through a variety of effective techniques, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and emotion-focused therapy. Here’s how these approaches can make a difference:

  • Understand and Label Emotions: One of the fundamental aspects of emotional regulation is the ability to understand and label emotions accurately. In my sessions, I work with young individuals to help them identify and articulate what they are feeling. This process is crucial because recognising and naming emotions is the first step towards managing them effectively. For example, a teenager might feel overwhelmed but not realise that underlying this feeling is anxiety about an upcoming exam. By helping them pinpoint the specific emotion, we can then develop strategies to address it.

  • Develop Coping Strategies: Another critical component of my counselling approach is teaching effective coping strategies. Children and teenagers often need practical tools to manage their reactions to strong emotions. I introduce techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or pausing to think before reacting. These strategies can be incredibly effective in reducing the intensity of emotional responses and preventing impulsive actions. For instance, a child who frequently experiences anger outbursts might learn to use deep breathing to calm down before responding, which helps in managing their emotions more constructively

  • Enhance Self-awareness: Understanding the triggers for emotional responses is another key element of emotional regulation. Through counselling, I help young individuals enhance their self-awareness, allowing them to anticipate and prepare for emotional reactions. This process involves exploring what situations or thoughts typically provoke strong emotions and developing personalised plans to handle these triggers. For example, a teenager might realise that social situations trigger anxiety and, with guidance, can learn to use positive self-talk and relaxation techniques to manage these feelings.

  • Supportive Family Environments: Counselling isn't just about individual sessions with children and teenagers; it also involves working with families to create supportive environments that encourage healthy emotional expression and development. I provide parents with strategies to reinforce the coping skills their children are learning in therapy. This might include establishing consistent routines, practising open communication, and modelling appropriate emotional responses. A supportive home environment can significantly enhance the effectiveness of counselling by ensuring that children feel safe and understood as they practise their new skills.

By integrating these techniques, counselling helps children and teenagers not only manage their emotions but also thrive in various aspects of their lives. If you’re concerned about your child’s ability to regulate their emotions, seeking professional counselling could be a transformative step. Together, we can build the skills and support systems necessary for your child to navigate their emotional world with confidence and resilience.


Emotional regulation is foundational to a child's development and future wellbeing. As parents and guardians, recognising the importance of this skill and seeking professional guidance when needed can profoundly impact your child's ability to thrive in life's various arenas. If you observe any signs of emotional dysregulation in your child or if you simply want to foster better emotional health, consider how specialised counselling could be beneficial.

For more information on emotional regulation counselling, or to discuss how we can support your child's emotional development, please feel free to reach out at or call 0413 921 212.

Prue is a Qualified Australian Counselling Association (ACA) Counsellor, Mental Health Specialist, Tuning into Teens Facilitator and Owner of Better You HQ Counselling




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